Fear & Loathing T-shirt (Girls)

Love the book, love the movie, and love this t-shirt. The Fear and Loathing t-shirt is available for both guys (sizes S/XL) and girls (size L), there aren’t many left so unless you want to wait for a reprint you’d better put on some weight or take some off heh. It’s on offer for £20 but with the discount code SUMMER30 it’s just £14!

Paranoia T-shirt (Guys)

I am a big fan of spoof logos, I’ve done a few of my own in my time including an artwork called ‘Retail Therapy‘. Paranoia has to be one of my fave t-shirt designs in the genre. I really like the concept, think Hollywood, think self-obsessed, because they’re all paranoid in La La Land. This tee is available for guys for £20 or £14 with the discount. Only sizes L/XL left!

Plenty of tees and accessories on offer at 30% off at www.disturbiaclothing.co.uk.

Anyway let’s take a look at a couple of Assault’s freshest releases:-

Razor Metal T-Shirt

Loving the concept for this tee, the Razor Metal t-shirt design combines photography featuring a selection of metal scrap yards and various choices in typography. A completely abstract-impressionist t-shirt as far as I am concerned, a brave choice and a powerful piece of imagery. It might just be a little ahead of the curve, that being said the fashion business moves fast, and in my heart of hearts I can already tell that 2010 will be embracing this kind of style more and more. The age of the simplified t-shirt design will eventually fade, detailed graphic tees are always far more popular than simpler logo and branded styles, and eventually abstraction and expressionism will I believe replace more obvious self-explanatory designs as the consumer craves more individuality in their fashion choices. The fact is this design is an interpretation of an emotional reaction rather than the more usual literal depiction attached to a one-liner philosophy. Great work, available for the reduced price of $22.99 for men in sizes S to 3XL (add $2 for 2XL / $3 for 3XL).

Retro Galaxy T-Shirt

Perhaps my all-time favourite t-shirt to ever leave the hallowed gates of Assault’s HQ, this time we’re transported far off into the outer reaches of deep space with the superb Retro Galaxy tee. This is a superb shirt, great graphic control over what could have been a rather chaotic and over-complicated concept. Yet they’ve pulled it off, the detail shots of this tee truly reveal the expert handling in which Assault have appropriated images from the Hubble Deep Space Telescope and combined them to create a shirt worth shouting about. If I’d known I would have had this one on my Christmas list. If you’ve still got some cash after the holidays, check Gran’s card again you never know, then snap up this shirt for the reduced price of $22.99 for men in sizes S to 3XL (add $2 for 2XL / $3 for 3XL).

See al the latest at Assault today!

No matter your taste, be it geek/nerd, metal, punk, emo or plain old funny, you’re sure to pick up something to your taste at Crispy Tees, and unlike the heaving mass of other funny t-shirt labels out there who simply license and churn out the same old bad jokes again and again (yes I get plenty of angry requests to review dodgy “funny” labels – even though they mainly suck), these guys design all their own, they don’t recycle jokes, and they actually wear the shirts themselves. To me that’s a good sign they not only know what they’re doing but they’re doing it well.

Surprisingly enough some of the designs on offer are very subtle, such as First 4, whilst others are more blatant, including movie references, jabs at popular celebrities and social transgressions, still we can forgive Crispy, they’re only in it for the laughs, and laughs aplenty is what they deliver. All their tees are available at $18 in sizes S to XXL and printed on American Apparel. So… let’s get crispy!

First 4 Tee

Guaranteed to rile the thrash metal masses, the truth can be painful I know, but it’s about time someone pointed it out. This superb t-shirt lays bare the sad fact that Metallica haven’t really produced anything of notable merit since their first four records. I can’t really comment, as I’m not a thrash metal devotee, although I did used to like some of their earlier stuff, so as a novice even I can tell that something must’ve happened, oh yes, it’s called old age. (If you are feeling riled and want to rant about how either Metallica rock or now actually suck you’re better off going here because as you can tell this is a t-shirt blog and not a thrash metal forum. Still First 4 is a great t-shirt all the same.

Too Old For This Tee

Everyone has to agree that Danny Glover has had a fair old crack at the movie business, who knows, maybe he’s got a big mortgage to pay, or could it be some high risk investments that turned sour in the recession? Then again it might just be the love of acting – whatever the reason Danny lbeen around the block a few times and now looks grumpier than ever. He will, unsurprisingly, be scowling and shaking his head in another ten films or so in production right now (I’m not joking). I admire his work ethic, I wouldn’t say he was the greatest actor in the world, far from it, but he’s been as reliable as a rock, I just wish he had a hankering for the quiet life. Kick back Danny, go fishing, take the family to the beach, learn a hobby, write a book, take up watercolours, buy a trip to the moon, but just lay off the movies, if only for a couple of weeks. It might just be an addiction, an addiction to dressing up as cops, chasing the lead role in a beaten up Chevy, telling him not to be a damn fool, and then proceed to shake his head and scowl for the rest of the plot. Or not. Still, I’m loving this tee, Too Old For This Shirt is superbly executed, a top notch design and a very funny tagline.

Go Green! Tee

Here’s a classic quote from the Crispy team “Going green Isn’t all about recycling crap and wearing Birkenstocks. The most important thing about going green is getting really p*ssed off at everything and ripping your purple pants.” It seems that Crispy Tees have managed to do the impossible and make environmentalism sexy, now all we need is a giant Gamma ray gun and we’re set. I always thought the quickest way to save the planet is to get rid of all those awful creatures that pollute it, you know the ones, oh yes humans, that’s it. I’m sure this particular green giant would agree, recycle or he’ll get angry, he doesn’t like it when you pollute, and you won’t like it when he gets angry. I always wondered where the hell did he buy all those dodgy purple pants, I mean it seems rather wasteful ripping them up all the time, who knows he might be a dab hand at sewing. The Go Green! tee is cool, funny and well drawn and cleverly avoids anything close to a copyright argument with Marvel.

Bacon Edge Tee

Spoofing the lyrics of Minor Threat‘s classic US punk anthem of the early eighties entitled Straight Edge, this one takes me way way back. I knew a kid at school called Alex Bonnywell, he had a foot-high mohawk, loved new wave and punk, skateboarding and slam dancing. However he lived in Britain, not the USA, and was almost utterly alone in his beliefs and tastes, asides his girlfriend that is. He was anti everything, the last time I met him I was walking back from college, he talked about how he was high on life and American punk, I nodded until he drank his OJ and slipped back into the hairstylists where he now worked and saw everyone in there rolling their eyes at the guy, obviously they’d suffered months of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a vicar by now, you know, a trendy one. Anyway, bacon, it ruined my ambitions at long term vegetarianism. Just seeing this t-shirt lured me into cooking a toasted bacon sarnie, now that’s the power of advertising. Very cool if rather obscure tee, Bacon Edge guarantees to take you back to those heady days of punk, when no one did anything naughty. Certainly the most crispy tee of them all ;)

Check out the rest of Crispy Tees funny shirts at www.CrispyTees.com.

Rockett Clothing was formed in Redlands, California 2003 by Rob with a little help from his wife, four dogs and friend Travis amongst the original crew, Rob found himself under great demand by bands like Eighteen Visions, Atreyu, Bleeding Through and others to design and print tees that rocked and he’s never looked back, no matter how beautiful the view. Rob used to be in a hardcore band of his own so he’s had plenty of experience of crappy merchandise that’s guaranteed to wipe the smile off any fan. Money was tight in those early days and Rockett lived cheek by jowl on a pitiful budget but with a groundswell of support from the Californian music scene it wasn’t long before the sales started pouring in. Suppliers can still blight the books, everything in the t-shirt business is paid for in advance so however wealthy they may be on paper there are always bills to pay. Over production and over partying can also force the label to bite the bullet from time to time, but no fear, Rocket Clothing are definitely here to stay no matter what.

They scour artists on the net including sites like Emptees.com to keep their collections fresh, and even manufacture their own tees these days. Expect to witness lots of drug-influenced zombies, parallel dimensions, long dark nights, B-movies, melting, dripping text and graphics, bizarre, blisteringly funny yet strangely intoxicating, their style has become (in)famous in the underground fashion scene. With artists like Derek Deal, Chris Sandlin, Colin Strandberg, Josh Stomberg, Filipe Olivera, Skull w/ Hair, and Electrik Suicide on their books you’re assured of a treat for the eyes, their dream being to ultimately bring back the tank top, who knows, it might happen, well okay it is happening lol. Check out their superb blog and of course their store at www.indiemerchstore.com/rockett. Oh yes and we have a discount code for you:- (Quote “duckduck15″ at the checkout for a 15% discount!)

5… 4… 3… 2… 1… and lift off with Ride The Rockett.

Rockett Vs. L.A Tank Top

It’s mad, it’s bad, it’s the morning after a bad trip, it’s covered in oozing slime, it’s green and nasty, and it’s L.A, oh I mean it’s a tank top. So what have Rockett got against L.A? Well, I suppose it’s a matter of opinion, essentially they think it’s weird, or at least full of freaks, at least as far as fashion goes and that isn’t a bad thing. In fact I’d say that under Rockett rules this is a big complement. Essentially RC class this tank top (I know but it’s so nearly a t-shirt who cares) as a collaboration, and a fine one at that. I’m sure they’ve already personally thanked each and every inhabitant of Los Angeles for their cultural input on this top creation, slimy, gooey, and as weird as weirdsville can get. The Rockett vs. L.A tank top is available in black, black or black for $22.99 sizes S to L.

Twilight Zone Tee

“You’re travelling through another dimension. A dimension, not only of sign and sound, …” this tee is a freak, I love the trephining detail, this is what they used to do for thousands of years before science discovered aspirin and the like. If the ghost of Rod Serling does ever decide to appoint the guys at Rockett to remake the series I think we’re in for a treat. I love the old b/w episodes, Shatner freaking out on a plane is most likely my favourite, the bs syndicated version in the 80s and the brief run in the early 00′s sucked big time, that’s what happens when money men get hold of a beautiful idea and soft focus the true fear Serling’s creations must have induced in the late 50′s and early 60′s. Superb graphics, a lush and gruesome experiment in the defamation of the mind, love the galaxian swirl, colour is abound in the Twilight Zone tee by Chris Sandlin aka SockMonkee. Available for $20 in sizes M to 2XL.

Norway Tee

Imagine living in darkness for half the year, that’s what a lot of Norweigans do every year, no wonder so many Nordics get depressed. I am known to suffer from S.A.D myself from time to time here in Britain, our weather can suck big time depending on how screwed up the environment is (roll on global warming) but 4-6 months of nightfall must be the ultimate in misery. Hey let’s go to the beach? Where is it? Not sure, but it’s probably frozen over. Damn that is meterological depression incarnate. Chris, my interminably suffering partner has suggested on a few occassions that we take a trip up that way and watch the Northern Lights whilst sipping overpriced vodka on a dodgy cruise, no thanks love, I need my full spectrum radiation. Not the usual fare on offer from Rockett I love the old school look of their Norway tee, it reminds me of hand pressed punk zines of the 70′s and 80′s, grimy collage rocks. Get this tee for $20 in L and XL.

Acid Trip Tee (Charcoal Variation)

Available in manifest forms including 3 versions of the tee, this the charcoal variation, the original, version 2, a pullover and a hoodie, Rockett certainly have their bases covered in the tripper category. If you’ve ever spaced out to this degree you probably ended up in hospital, still hopefully it was worth it, I used to have a reputation for helping people out of a bad trip. I once ‘talked up’ 8 people on a nasty dose of LSD tabs laced with Strictnine (aka rat poison!), usually friends tell me to shut up because I suffer from interminable verbal diahorrea (can’t you tell?), but when things are bad, really screwed up, it’s useful to have someone coherent enough to talk you through the machinations of a lysergic brain. Still that’s way back when, these days I take it out on you poor readers, and I don’t even need the excuse of taking hallucinogens to jabber. Screwy, slimy, sixties meltdown graphics, a superb and illustriously groovy design by Derek Deal of The Black Axe. Available for $25 in sizes S to L.

If you want more from your tees take a trip to www.RideTheRockett.com, your wardrobe may never recover ;)

So HOTLIFE is designed exclusively by MCHC Art/Designs? Absolutely, 100% hand drawn by MikeC himself.That way you know you’ve got an 100% original design. Lots of “designers” like to take clip art and add a photo shop filter and pass it off as a design…we would rather make something thats unique and rad.

I’m pretty sure 90% of my wardrobe is made up of designs by MCHC already, what bands and such has he worked with? Thousands of bands, too many to mention, but Thinkfast! Records, Victory Records, Acacia Strain, A Day to Remember, Hawthorne Heights, Madball, All Shall Perish, Mychildren Mybride, Between the Buried and Me, Salt The Wound, Bishop, Emmure, Catch 22, & Kill Your Idols, just to name a few.

Now that’s a lot of bands! Hotlife have a strong connection with the music scene, if you fancy upping the stakes and making your own band’s image a little more hardcore then you can commission Mike’s talent as a t-shirt designer via his Myspace page. He even helps promote the bands he works with by graciously featuring their latest gigs at Hotlife’s news page.

It’s difficult to categorize Mike’s style, his illustrative style is strong, very strong, and even though there are reminders for me of punk and thrash, biker and tattoo imagery, there are two distinct qualities to his work that makes it rise above the competition. Firstly, as mentioned earlier, his drawing technique is fabulously clean, he actually draws everything by hand as you can tell, his line is fluid and flowing, the compositions spot on, I’m sure this guy must have been doodling throughout every spare minute of his life. Apart from the trained eye and hand co-ordination, there’s the humour, his sense of fun is infectious, one of the first tees to jump out at me was his interpretation of Frankenstein’s Monster in Frankie Says Relax. Which for me is hilarious, as was the original band that came up with that tune, although the latter wasn’t entirely intentional.

I’ll start by reviewing the tees Mike sent me, I’d have got my cute GF to pose but she’s up to her neck in work today, so I’m afraid you get the ugly guy instead of the babe. Still the designs should more than compensate!

Countdown Tee

Now as soon as you’ve got over the shock of my ugly mug you should be able to appreciate just how cool Countdown is. This is a superbly drawn tee, illustrated with a killer design, there’s definitely plenty of humour in this one, and perhaps even a little cartoon trompe l’oeil. However, and this might just the beer talking (hell, it’s Friday), perhaps the army green colour of the tee, but there’s something rather subtle going on underneath the surface of this work. The idea of strapping a bomb to yourself might seem crazy to the vast majority of us, but there are people out there who’ll do anything in the name of their God, government, country, you name it. I don’t want to get all heavy on you people, but this is a fantastic example of subversion in the world of fashion, a political comment on the state of society these days. You know, Middle East, suicide bombers, ya de ya de ya. Still, what Mike manages to do is perform a very tricky balancing act, it means that his design exudes a hearty sense of humour first and foremost, and I admire that in an artist. You have to keep the audience on your side to some degree, and he does that, and then some. Explosive humour and social comment under the guise of punk skater fashion – cool! Get yours on sale now for just $20! This is the last print run so I’d hurry if you’re keen – sizes S to XL.

Owl In The Senate Tee

Now before you get too excited Hoot has sold out, but seeing as I was lucky enough to get a freebie, perhaps the very last in existence, I couldn’t let this one pass without letting you have a butchers. Essentially the Owl In The Senate Tee is what it is, it’s a beautiful piece of assymetrical design. According to Mike it was Hotlife’s first collaboration with one of the bands in their immediate family. It was released alongside The Senate‘s “Transcend” EP was released with this design at the release party and both were a huge hit. Funnily enough I did hear a while back that an owl was found sleeping up in the rafters of the US Senate, not sure if there’s a connection there, but most likely I’m on the right track. There’s rather a nice play on words as far as Hotlife’s branding is concerned, it spells out ‘Hoot Life’ which gave me a chuckle or two. I really love the choice of colours in this tee, a nice range of muted greens and off-whites that complement the deep brown hue of the t-shirt perfectly. I’ve also included a photo of the label, I love printed labels and Hotlife have made sure that each t-shirt has the best of the best, this is a slick piece of branding, something I’ve noticed many of my favourite brands are turning towards. I hate those old nylon flaps that scratch your neck and slowly turn to tatters in the wash. Oh whilst I’m on the subject, all of Hotlife’s tees have to be washed cold and tumble dried only!

Crime Don’t Pay Tee

Love this one, Crime Don’t Pay, which judging by the design there’s something of a conflict in Mike’s mind going on here :p Actually I nabbed this pic (and the next) from Emptees.com because Hotlife’s own pics aren’t that big, and as any self-respecting GF will tell you the bigger the better. In Mike’s experience, just about everyone he knows has done a stint in the slammer, I can’t say the same applies to me, but I’ve had friends, especially from Manchester and Liverpool who can vouch for that. When you’re stuck in a dead end town with no prospects you’re more likely to take risks others wouldn’t. Besides, these days in Britain, you can’t drop a piece of litter without a CCTV clocking you, the Labour government have brought in more laws in the last decade than all the past governments put together. I’d say it was a police state, but the thing is the UK is cutting back on police numbers as it is, it’s definitely a downer though, an Orwellian downer. We have Community Officers now. They’re not police, they’re mainly on the dole and do a stint as a volunteer to improve their prospects or keep their benefits. The fact that a recent survey showed that most of Britains’ population would keep a bag of unmarked bills if they found it lying in the street is neither here nor there. With the recession biting and jobs being cut you can expect a lot more people out there taking risks, some get caught, some don’t. I’ve had one burglary so far, I thought it was the police, bailiffs, a drunk or a mental kicking down the door, I shouted at them, opened the door then ran after a kid who looked so scared he could’ve pooped his pants. Just another chancer. Anyway you won’t be able to nick this tee, you’ll have to buy it with your hard earned money (I’m assuming you’ve earned it) on sale now for just $20. The site says it’s sold out, don’t believe the hype lol.

Frankie Says Relax Tee

This has to be my fave, for obvious reasons, such as… I was around when the tune came out. I recently found myself creating a joke Frankenstein piece for an arts project here in the UK, and there’s a distinct feeling of Scooby Dooism going on here, I mean the original 70s fab and groovy toon, not the god awful remakes (that means you Scrappy Doo – no Scrappy don’t). Very cool colour combo, hilarious premise, and a very slick but sneaky inclusion of the logo in the parasol/umbrella. What’s more the Frankie Says Relax tee is a piddling $15, which wouldn’t even fill your icebox with beers. Great composition too! Get yours here.

Live the hot life with LivingTheHotlife.com, t-shirts are mandatory, as is a sense of humour and a love of punk and skater design!

I usually ‘wing it’ when it comes to t-shirt reviews, preferring not to get to bogged down with subjective ideas from designers and focus on what I see the way I see it, sure it’s not particularly objective but it can be informative for both the label and the general t-shirt fan to see a different point of view to the traditional bog-standard interview format. However I have to admit I cheated a little when it came to the name of this particular brand, Nicole co-founder of 410BC enlightened me to its origin – “410 BC stands for the year Democracy was restored in Athens. The Athenians were at war, but they managed to restore their own institutions by fighting for what they believed in. We chose that name because it resonated with us strongly. Through the company we promote conscious consumerism and fighting for what you believe in. We believe in supporting artists, sending a positive message, only using sweatshop free and organic cotton tees and giving back to our community.” A rather admirable mantra for any fashion brand I am sure you will agree.

The company have definitely stuck to their roots from day one, unlike many brands in the market they like to stay as connected with their audience wherever possible, from their humble beginnings they have certainly picked up plenty of good habits, constantly pushing their positive message and encouraging public interaction all the way. Do have a read of their blog if you have a moment – there are some great fashion, style and other features going on there and whilst you’re at it check out their LookBook which features plenty of photos of past customers donning their marvellous clothes. Plus of course you can also meet and greet 410BC via Myspace, Flickr and see their latest vids at Youtube – oh and check out their latest contest too!

However ethics asides what’s as if not more satisfying for me is that their creative stance is as powerful as their ecological one with a cornucopia of great designs available at the store, an ecelctic range of sources and ideas for their particularly unique style, and to top it off a rather fabulous website to showcase their work. Let’s take a trip to 410BC and see exactly what makes them so special in the market today…

Save Me From Technology Tee

Unfortunately I can’t link directly to any 410BC tees as they’ve embedded the links but all of them (along with a whole range of clothing and skateboards) are available at their store. Save Me From Technology is available for men and women at $20 in sizes small to large (up to x-large for the guys), I do particularly like this design, it reminds me of quite a few New Wave album covers of the alte 1970s and early 1980s as well as a few magazines at the time such as i-D and The Face. The iconic style at the time infused the last generation of expert photo-montage artists (before the arrival of such software applications as Photoshop) and a hankering for shock value to get a message across as quickly and powerfully as possible. I feel the same kind of vibe is going on in this t-shirt, possibly the trendiest and most stylish political comment t-shirt of all time, I have to admit I am in full agreement with its sentiment. Ironically, unless you don’t mind living like a hobo you’ll have to be pretty well off to escape the clutches of overbearing political and corporate interests around the world. I’ve always wanted to live a more basic lifestyle without the need for all this technological garbage we have to wade through these days. But if you’re not connected to the hive we call society you won’t make money, and without money you’ll starve. Sure you could grow you own food and generate energy but that still takes an enormous amount of time, money and land to be productive enough to live a trouble-free life. Take it from me, the world is doomed, at least we can watch a few videos-on-demand whilst we wait.

Loose Lips Sink Ships Tee

This rather fab t-shirt seems to be the best seller right now and I can understand why! It’s pretty damn fine as tees go, again just $20 and available for men and women, the image features an enormous pair of lips rising on the crest of a wave on the verge of engulfing a ship (looks more like a boat) crossing its path. Based on the old WW2 propaganda Loose Lips Save Ships, some other favourites at the time were ‘Walls Have Ears’ and ‘If You Speak German I Will Shoot You’ – okay okay the last one I made up but still it makes you think how paranoid must it have been back then. Everyone suspicious of everyone, democracies declaring totalitarian control over their own people in the name of the war effort, a lack of resources, restricted freedom, oh just a minute, I’m wrong, it never did change!

I’ve just been watching a documentary on 9/11 on Controversial TV here in the UK and that made a mockery of just about every mainstream coverage of the time, don’t worry I know you’re probably sick of hearing about how military rather than commercial planes crashed into the towers and that the hole in the Pentagon was too small for an airliner, besides no one wants to rock the boat these days (let alone sink ships) – after all where’s the profit in that? If I do make millions one day for some inexplicable reason and manage to buy my own island I hopefully will be able to re-engage in the art of free speech. Oh if you fancy escaping the oncoming fascist dictatorship of the so-called Western Democracy – do let me know and I’ll reserve a mud hut for you as soon as poss :/

Pegasus Tee

“Everywhere the winged horse struck his hoof to the earth, an inspiring spring burst forth” – on a lighter note here’s 410BC’s Pegasus tee available for both sexes and rather sweet all in all. A perfect representation of freedom if ever there was one,. I have a vested interest in seeing horses fly. Essentially a clumsy oaf of an old nag trod on my toes as a kid and I’ve never really got on with them since, I know, I know, they’re beautiful creatures, but I’m just not one of those doggy horsey type of people. Still, flying horses, that would be nice.

Although you’d need to carry an umbrella wherever you roamed as more than likely a steamy pile of manure would surely be heading your way sooner or later. This rather fine illustrated tee harks back to a mythology that’s most in keeping with the brand name 410BC, something of a historical venture rather than a contemporary discourse I like the creative connections summoned up by this image. The fountain Hippocrene, on the Muses’ Mount Helicon, was opened by a kick from his hoof. Hence, he has often been associated with the arts, especially poetry. Very light and airy this tee provides relief from the pseudo-political rantings from obsessive reviewers like myself. Great for the summer, even if you’re not trekking around Greece. Available for men and women for $25.

Dead Vogue Tee

I love skulls, I think that most graffiti artists do, perhaps it’s to do with mortality and creation and the juxtaposition of both and the irony that if you’re very lucky, and I mean lottery winning lucky, your creations may just out live you by years, decades, centuries even, but you’d better be good, the best, the best there ever was. Still getting back to the point, death and beauty, have you noticed how many freaks, the sort that love to Botox every spare mm of their body have taken over everything from the catwalk to the movie screen to the TV? Sure you have, you’re just used to it, I know. But now and again one of those media types doesn’t quite manage to get their injections and all hell’s let loose, their face literally melts all over the screen and the paparazzi are on to them like flies on a dog turd. I am a man (well what a surprise) and I hate crap like Sex In The City, The Devil Wears Prada, all that gumph (wow really I’d have never guessed?), women can call me a party pooper (usually much worse), but every time I see someone glorifying falseness like it’s some kind of religion I want to be sick.

Don’t spend all your money on magazines that tell you you’re old and fat or young and fat, or young and ugly, or old, fat, ugly and badly dressed. At least read a magazine (or even a book – does anyone do that these days?) that makes you feel stupid, and then learn the junk you didn’t know and then spend your time at dinner parties slating that writer and proving that all their writing is mere conjecture, and get real respect, because the mind is a beautiful thing. I am sure there are some guys out there that think the mind is sexy, that intelligence is beautiful, that wit is gorgeous, that creativity is the best thing since size zero – I mean am I the only one? Vogue and every other merchant of physical degradation out there is designed to sell overpriced rubbish to insecure women addicted to shopping.

Even men have started doing it, designer clothes, designer fragrances, designer hair, designer underpants and everything that fills it (or not) – people who are happy with who they are infuriate the couture fashion industry. If people don’t feel bad about themselves then no one buys magazines like Vogue and that means no advertising and that means the writers and editors will have to live like the rest of us – which is in essence how normality should work. Still I’d better get off my soap box now – before someone from the fashionista brigade hunts me down with a gold sequinned AK47 ;) Dead Vogue – a classic at $20 for men and women…

410BC – perhaps my favourite ancient historical moment and fashion brand combined – decide for yourself at www.410BC.com

Invisible-Friend.co.uk first caught my eye when I spotted their sponsored link on Google, I don’t normally follow paid-for links, past experience has taught me that most Google Ads lead you on a wild goose chase, resulting in a page of search results from an inferior search engine. This time it was different, I can’t remember the link text, but the name drew me in, and I wasn’t disappointed. Now I have to be cruel to be kind but I do think the web-site needs a little work, I’d rather get straight to the collection on the home-page, but I can understand why they’d want to prepare you, they have an incredibly strong and graphic style that might scare the pants off the more lily-livered t-shirt punters out there.

If you’re looking for art pedigree then an immediate qualifier for me has to be their about page, citing Malcolm McLaren and Vivienne Westwood‘s ‘Sex’ store (circa 1970′s Kings Road London) as an inspiration for their designs is a perfect way to break the ice. If you’re going to have an invisible friend, make sure they at least have good, and this one certainly has, the collection is quite simply outstanding for a relatively unknown label. I’m not making excuses for them, they do need to build the collection, but as an introduction to IF’s unique style and approach to t-shirt creation, you couldn’t do much better than the classic-in-the-making Victoria Crossbones.

This is an absolutely awesome design, it comes on black and fuschia (as seen above) and in all honesty it’s one of the most succinct and power-packed designs I’ve seen in some time. I’m a little worried what the copyright issues are on this, but seeing as Invisible Friend is UK-based and Victoria is now permanently stationed in La La Land I’m sure she won’t bother chasing this. Imagine the publicity if she did?

With her husband near enough retired from football (the original kind and no I’m not calling it soccer), and almost no chance of the Spice Girls re-reforming (I never liked them the first time round), I’m sure the paparazzi would jump on her old bones the moment she started to complain. Think about it, size zero, addicted to fashion (well shopping anyway), with no discernible talent (she’s the one that sings out of tune), except for self-publicity perhaps, The Press would have a field day. Then again I may have her all wrong, Posh, if you buy one of these t-shirts all is forgiven.

Evils Now before I start receiving hundreds of complaints (well one or two) let me just say that the following work doesn’t necessarily represent the views of this blogger (lol) – although I’m pretty neutral as far as Elvis goes. I like some of his songs, I’d rather hear the original old blues singers do them, but he did a fair job of a lot of other people’s songs. Sure he ate too much, he wore too many silver suits, he got a little bit over zealous about the whole God thing, but essentially he couldn’t be described as evil.

Wordplay, you know I’m a sucker for it, can’t get much sweeter than this, just two letters away from anarchy, imagine if he was dyslexic, he’d have wrote a lot of scary autographs for starters. It did get me thinking one thing though, Elvis is the first true corporate figurehead, that’s rather evil, at least by association. He became a product, his image, his voice, and it was sold to America as the acceptable face of black music, i.e a white one. Besides the work around the eyes gives you a big clue to the t-shirts’ true meaning, essentially a quote from Vicky Pollard of Little Britain fame – “No, but yeah, but no… don’t give me evils man!” -perhaps you have to be British to appreciate that line.

Dead Rock Stars! Yet again Invisible Friend have hit the nail on the head. It’s a little morbid I suppose, but these days there are so many dead movie stars appearing in cgi-monstrosity ad campaigns I can’t see the problem with digging up a few dinosaurs and lining them up for another final short bout of fame. At least they lived fast and died young) for the most part, rather than the rest of us who will most likely live long and die slowly. If you’re going to go, go in a blaze of glory I say, there’s nothing worse than seeing a band dragged out of the nursing home for one last worldwide tour.

I can even spot a few of them from here, Elvis obviously, Buddly Holly down the bottom right, I think I can see Janice Joplin, Brian Jones, Sid Vicious and Jimi Hendrix to name a few – beats Soduku hands down! This t-shirt has an unexpectedly humbling effect, it puts life in context, fame is fleeting, they were famous, but we’re alive, who knows perhaps success does suck, I can understand the notion of fame being intolerable, but is death the only answer? Couldn’t I just buy a tropical island and retreat again? Oh no I’m not famous, oh yes I’m broke, oh well, one can dream, well I would if I didn’t write in this blog all night.

A wall of faces, all touched by fame, all most likely to be lost in the passage of time, at least their music lives on, and their spirit for adventure (and misadventure), and all jam-packed into one single t-shirt design. Great work!

The Henge – I used to have hair – lots and lots of it – I wasn’t a biker because I didn’t have a bike – I had run that under a truck at the tender age of 17, plus I’d heard enough horror stories, friends of friends flying off cliffs over the summers of the late 80′s. Still I had the hair. I did go to Reading Festival around then, I don’t remember much of my time there except for falling out with a girlfriend who wanted to play the field with a bottle of Cider and Black, then was sick over herself, and then decided she wanted to get back together. I tried to be a hippy, there was Glastonbury, but I never made it to the festival, I did spend a Winter Solstice on the Tor with a bunch of hippies, I wasn’t impressed, but I did still have plenty of hair then.

There’s only a few things I do remember from those days, one was a Hawkwind Concert in Finsbury Park in North London, another was a day out to The Henge. It’s a kind of ancient calendar, built around 3000 years ago by obsessive Masons with little else to do. It’s in a mess these days, when I was a kid you could climb all over it, now you have to be a Druid if you want to do that. The Government are supposed to be moving the nearby ‘A’ Road further away from the site, the pollution is turning it black. The energy there (if you are a hippy) has seriously depleted over the years, too many police/traveller/druid riots I suppose. Avebury is far more mellow, but it doesn’t look as good as Stone Henge. The most iconic lumps of rock in the world.

It’s part of British History, ancient history, it should be protected, people should be able to pray there, or whatever it is they do, but I’d rather just wear the t-shirt. The irony is if you hang it up in front of you and stare, that’s about how much you’ll see of The Henge in real life. With the perimeter fence it’s so far away, you’re better off wearing IF’s tee than sacrificing your goats to get in, plus you’ll have to watch a wrinkly old ‘priest’ and ‘priestess’, covered in goose fat, getting it on whilst they mount a fertility stone.

Invisible Friend – you’ll get me in trouble! I’ve managed to upset the Elvis fraternity, the Druid faith and Posh (ah well), you’re a bad influence, but well worth the trouble! Take a look at Invisible Friend‘s site today and all will be revealed…