Ivory Skies

The site looks posh to say the least, their products are a cut above the average, aimed at the discerning t-shirt lover looking for something a little more classy than you might be used to and they’ve kicked off the proceedings with their first collection ‘Ebony and Ivory’ – which is nothing like the track by McCartney and Jacko – I promised myself I wouldn’t mention that but what can you do – this brain is just too impulsive for its own good.

The store is smart and simply presented, everything before you laid out in black and white like a shiny Steinway, and what sticks with you above all else are the rather exotic and in some cases completely forgotten images of the ancient past on offer. I have to admit I had to do a little research myself when it came to the titles, if Chris was around I am sure she’d have given me a few pointers, being a hippie in a former incarnation and up for anything mythological, and no we’re not talking unicorns and faeries here, this is the real deal, or rather it was for historical eras such as Ancient Greece and Egypt.

I did think the actual store was something of a let down – presentation wise that is – they should fix up their template if they want to build a reputation as a label for the ‘smart set’. The theme rapidly degrades to a bog-standard white/orange affair and each product description has a page title as thus “<ekm:pagetitle>”. But I’m in a forgiving mood so we’ll put that down to ‘teething troubles’ for this new label. What I can’t let pass by is the lack of background information for each t-shirt design, we’re not all historians, well actually probably none of us, and so to keep my and everyone else’s brain and pulse ticking over I’d recommend something of a potted history for these rare images, rather than letting the more obsessive of us get sidetracked at Wikipedia or Encyclopaedia Britannica. It’s not just about presentation in this case, it’s a matter of not frustrating or confusing the more inquisitive of your customers, and let’s face it, they are most likely to buy the t-shirts.

Still, those technical details asides, I very much doubt you’ll come across another label quite like Ivory Skies. Their vision of their world spans millennia as they endeavour to fuse the past with the present, and I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised when you see what I have selected for your perusal. So make sure you have your divining rod at hand, don your best toga, borrow a pair of wings from Icarus and set your psychic GPS for the stratosphere of taste as we take flight through the clean and crisp rarefied airs and graces of this near haute-couture high brow label.

Mystic Hera Tee

It may all be Greek to you, Ancient Greek that is, but this beauty Mystic Hera was hailed as the queen of all Olympian deities. The daughter of Cronus and Rhea, and wife and sister of Zeus, Hera was primarily worshipped as a goddess of marriage and birth. It is said that each year Hera`s virginity returns by bathing in the well Canathus – something that certain Hollywood plastic surgeons would pay a fortune for these days. She was supposed to be rather fesity and Zeus would rather shoot thunderbolts at her rather than take it to counselling. Seriously though (folks), Hera has been picked up somewhat by the feminist movement in recent years as a true representation of how bloody awful it was to be a woman living in Ancient Greece. There’s another rather odd side to the Hera myth – she had a habit of getting pregnant without doing the dirty, either by slapping her hand on the ground or (and here’s one for the vegetarians out there) by eating lettuce. For some reason, this convoluted set of rituals meant that her kids were born of lust and hatred rather than love. Nevertheless a rather gorgeous classical image for those who wish to bamboozle their least knowledgeable friends and acquaintances with a veneer of intellectual and historical superiority. Besides that she’s a game lass :p Available as a 100% cotton designer t shirt. Ivory white with ebony black print in sizes small to XL for £20.

Astro Hand Tee

Well what can I say, gorgeous image for sure, but I’ve never been one for palm reading. I do love the ‘mathematical nature’ of this illustration, there have been points in history where the worlds of science and belief have parted and merged, what am I saying even science is a belief system (don’t worry I won’t get in to that one right now). But my problem with practices like palmistry and astrology is that they were to some extent based on flawed science even when they first took off. I can imagine myself in a past life making a killing from fake holy relics, but how people can pull off the sort of junk they peddle in Gypsy Rose Lee’s tent or on those awful premium rate lines that predict your fate, I mean if you’re going to waste money like that at least make sure it’s a sexy palm reading, I am taking off my bra, you will come in to a small fortune, I have long luscious legs, I see an even longer journey… My favourite palm reading moment on film, which I am sure there aren’t too many, was in Jacob’s Ladder, the maddest baddest Post-Vietnam hell hole of a movie ever made. Tim Robbins is spaced-out on a staircase watching a friend read his palm with disbelief. She laughs, he laughs, then she tells him it’s not funny, it’s very serious. He has no lifeline. Essentially he’s dead. Oh well she got that one right – oops yet another movie spoiler. Astro Hand is available as a 100% cotton designer t shirt. Ivory white with ebony black print in sizes small to XL for £20.

Ninevite Hero Tee

Perhaps a little bit controversial these days, the Ninevite Hero comes from Assyrian history. Assyria is an unrecognised non-Muslim territory north of Iraq that has been in place since Egyptian times, however now the Assyrian population who are given no rights including those to vote in democratic elections are little more than yet another minority, as far as the Kurds are concerned, vying for autonomy and with little success. I’m sure that Ivory Skies hadn’t intended the associations therewith, or perhaps I’m wrong, but the connotation of an Assyrian hero will most likely pass over most people’s heads. anyway Great if you want a heated political debate with others in a pub or club, just make sure it’s not in the Middle East. If you do want to know the full story check out this article about the Assyrian’s plight in Kurdistan, if not, I can’t blame you. If you want to know more about Assyria’s ancient history and the Ninevite Hero you should check out this preview at Google Books. Worthy, complicated, far more than merely a piece of ancient mythology, the t-shirt is available as a 100% cotton designer t shirt. Ivory white with ebony black print in sizes small to XL for £20.

Diana of Ephesians Tee

The cult of the Roman idol Diana (known by the pagan Greeks as Artemis), is actually mentioned in the Bible, where some translations call it Diana of the Ephesians. which also happens to be the name of this t-shirt. This ancient idol (nothing whatsoever to do with Simon Cowell) had its most extravagant temple at Ephesus. It was for a long old while one of the “seven wonders” of the ancient world. Inside the temple apparently sat a bizarre statue of the “fertility” idol, the original of which was supposedly carved from a meteorite that had “fallen from heaven.” (Acts 19:35). In the 1st Century Diana’s influence was so powerful it most likely caused a few wars with the Christians who were just getting into their groove. These days it’s pop stars and movie idols, although I doubt any of us are about to declare war for the rights of Madonna to adopt more African kids, or for Johnny Depp to be recognised as a erm… a good actor lol. Anyway thank gawd all that religion junk is almost (god willing) over, I never had a taste for it, not that I don’t understand why people opt-in for it, I mean the world is kinda boring and screwed up but get real, if there’s a vast and omnipotent being out there, or a giant silver goat with lasers for eyes, or an amorphous blob of star dust that can punch holes in space and time just by thinking about it, the last thing they want, need or will even notice is a poky statue of them, however accurate, stuck on a plinth and left to rot. I’d best shut up now before the Waco crew get hold of this. Oh father, mother, thing in heaven, or wherever you are, whatever you are, don’t beat me up, I know I suck, I’m sorry, can I have another go? Amen. Get your own Diana Tee and cause some religious fractiousness for just £20 – Ivory white with ebony black print in sizes small to XL.

So there endeth this historical lesson, if your wings aren’t too frazzled (or your brain) and you fancy seeing the rest of the strange yet beguiling tees head on up and up and up to Ivory Skies!