Fresh and Crispy Tees

Fresh from the awesome design team at Black Axe this hot new label offers a wealth of funny and outrageous tees for even the most jaded of t-shirt connoisseurs. Crispy Tees, a humour tee brand that actually delivers straight to the funny bone, borne out of compulsive brainstorming for the most stupid and ridiculous ideas imaginable, has been open for business since late August and appears to be doing a roaring trade. Not only are the shirts genuinely funny, but as you’d expect from the likes of Black Axe, beautifully drawn to boot.

No matter your taste, be it geek/nerd, metal, punk, emo or plain old funny, you’re sure to pick up something to your taste at Crispy Tees, and unlike the heaving mass of other funny t-shirt labels out there who simply license and churn out the same old bad jokes again and again (yes I get plenty of angry requests to review dodgy “funny” labels – even though they mainly suck), these guys design all their own, they don’t recycle jokes, and they actually wear the shirts themselves. To me that’s a good sign they not only know what they’re doing but they’re doing it well.

Surprisingly enough some of the designs on offer are very subtle, such as First 4, whilst others are more blatant, including movie references, jabs at popular celebrities and social transgressions, still we can forgive Crispy, they’re only in it for the laughs, and laughs aplenty is what they deliver. All their tees are available at $18 in sizes S to XXL and printed on American Apparel. So… let’s get crispy!

First 4 Tee

Guaranteed to rile the thrash metal masses, the truth can be painful I know, but it’s about time someone pointed it out. This superb t-shirt lays bare the sad fact that Metallica haven’t really produced anything of notable merit since their first four records. I can’t really comment, as I’m not a thrash metal devotee, although I did used to like some of their earlier stuff, so as a novice even I can tell that something must’ve happened, oh yes, it’s called old age. (If you are feeling riled and want to rant about how either Metallica rock or now actually suck you’re better off going here because as you can tell this is a t-shirt blog and not a thrash metal forum. Still First 4 is a great t-shirt all the same.

Too Old For This Tee

Everyone has to agree that Danny Glover has had a fair old crack at the movie business, who knows, maybe he’s got a big mortgage to pay, or could it be some high risk investments that turned sour in the recession? Then again it might just be the love of acting – whatever the reason Danny lbeen around the block a few times and now looks grumpier than ever. He will, unsurprisingly, be scowling and shaking his head in another ten films or so in production right now (I’m not joking). I admire his work ethic, I wouldn’t say he was the greatest actor in the world, far from it, but he’s been as reliable as a rock, I just wish he had a hankering for the quiet life. Kick back Danny, go fishing, take the family to the beach, learn a hobby, write a book, take up watercolours, buy a trip to the moon, but just lay off the movies, if only for a couple of weeks. It might just be an addiction, an addiction to dressing up as cops, chasing the lead role in a beaten up Chevy, telling him not to be a damn fool, and then proceed to shake his head and scowl for the rest of the plot. Or not. Still, I’m loving this tee, Too Old For This Shirt is superbly executed, a top notch design and a very funny tagline.

Go Green! Tee

Here’s a classic quote from the Crispy team “Going green Isn’t all about recycling crap and wearing Birkenstocks. The most important thing about going green is getting really p*ssed off at everything and ripping your purple pants.” It seems that Crispy Tees have managed to do the impossible and make environmentalism sexy, now all we need is a giant Gamma ray gun and we’re set. I always thought the quickest way to save the planet is to get rid of all those awful creatures that pollute it, you know the ones, oh yes humans, that’s it. I’m sure this particular green giant would agree, recycle or he’ll get angry, he doesn’t like it when you pollute, and you won’t like it when he gets angry. I always wondered where the hell did he buy all those dodgy purple pants, I mean it seems rather wasteful ripping them up all the time, who knows he might be a dab hand at sewing. The Go Green! tee is cool, funny and well drawn and cleverly avoids anything close to a copyright argument with Marvel.

Bacon Edge Tee

Spoofing the lyrics of Minor Threat’s classic US punk anthem of the early eighties entitled Straight Edge, this one takes me way way back. I knew a kid at school called Alex Bonnywell, he had a foot-high mohawk, loved new wave and punk, skateboarding and slam dancing. However he lived in Britain, not the USA, and was almost utterly alone in his beliefs and tastes, asides his girlfriend that is. He was anti everything, the last time I met him I was walking back from college, he talked about how he was high on life and American punk, I nodded until he drank his OJ and slipped back into the hairstylists where he now worked and saw everyone in there rolling their eyes at the guy, obviously they’d suffered months of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a vicar by now, you know, a trendy one. Anyway, bacon, it ruined my ambitions at long term vegetarianism. Just seeing this t-shirt lured me into cooking a toasted bacon sarnie, now that’s the power of advertising. Very cool if rather obscure tee, Bacon Edge guarantees to take you back to those heady days of punk, when no one did anything naughty. Certainly the most crispy tee of them all

Check out the rest of Crispy Tees funny shirts at www.CrispyTees.com.