Valentine T-Shirts Kinda Suck

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Yes it’s almost (but not quite) that time of year again, another “Hallmark Cards Moment” created to make men miserable, women feel wanted, the lonely make fools of themselves, and corporations even richer than they are already; but still I thought I’d better prepare those amongst you who happen to be as unromantic as me and remind you that if you don’t want your respective partner to sulk on February 14th you’d better put your orders in soon and order something or other for that most special of days.

I’m not quite sure if a t-shirt is the most romantic of gifts, and if your one of those people who’s considering buying a matching personalised pair of tees that declares your undying love for each other to the world I will have to try and avoid you both when this brief and overtly commercialised celebration of romantic love rears its ugly head again.

The truth is I find it almost impossible to buy the right present for my other half at Valentines. I’ve done the unthinkable and bought her nothing at all one year, and even though she politically agreed with my decision I did have to “make it up to her” over the next few weeks all the same. The problem is chocolates make you fat, flowers are corny, I have no taste in women’s jewellery, for her or myself, and all in all I’m useless when it comes to sweet and slushy sentimental gestures.

I’ve used the argument that “I’m still here” which also received a frosty reception, and on other occasions I’ve completely gone to town, hotel, expensive perfume, sexy negligee and all I remember her saying was “thank you darling, but really you shouldn’t have”. The best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever conjured up involved a day off from the world for the two of us, spent in bed with a bottle of Champagne and an extremely unhealthy breakfast sometime around lunchtime. All in all I am the last person to advise on what to do when it comes to V.D (now there’s an unfortunate acronym?), but here’s a few tee related suggestions.

Design your own – either choose a design and slap their name on it or if you can draw an extremely flattering image of your partner then this could be the way to go. Of course they’re not going to want to wear it, and they will make you parade it around in front of your friends which would most likely be an unending source of hilarity to all who witnessed the event. “Ha ha remember that time you wore that soppy t-shirt all day, you are so sad”. Still that kind of self-sacrifice can sometimes do the trick.

Buy someone else’s valentine t-shirt design - which sounds like an easier option but in all honesty I’ve just spent an hour scouring the net for something decent, I mean, you know, something you could wear for more than one day a year, and guess what, there’s almost nothing out there. I mean it, Valentine t-shirts kinda suck (hence the title), and so to beef up the few I’ve managed to track down here.

Bullet For My Valentine at StylinOnline.com truly does give out the wrong message so it’s probably best or long distance relationships and prison pen pal romances, I mean I’ve managed to make a few mistakes with valentines gifts in the past, but murder wasn’t one of them, still, a rather fetching design all the same. Bullet For My Valentine are actually a Welsh metal-core band by the way, just in case they decide to pop a cap in my head when I’m out shopping for a card.

Geek Love Poem Tee at ThinkGeek.com

If I was being extra cruel I could say something like “hey if you’re thinking like a geek you probably haven’t got a girlfriend” but that would be totally out of character for me, so instead I’ll say “it’s an old joke, but sometimes the old ones are the best” :/

My Bloody Valentine – Feed Me With Your Kiss Tee

Yes I know another band tee, I’m really clutching at straws here aren’t I? Still, if you haven’t heard of them you’re probably young enough to think yuck who the hell is that ugly geezer, I’m not wearing that, but the act in MBV were a pretty influential band in their time. Oh and it has nothing to do with the 3D movie that’s out at the moment, and if you haven’t seen that, well then I’d say you’re better off staring at this guy’s face, it’s a lot more scary.

Just for a joke here’s something I knocked up – the heart is stamped with the words
property of you. Ya ya ya.

Love Heart Valentine’s Tee

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