Vintage Vantage Have The Advantage

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Now, I don’t normally ‘do’ funny t-shirt sites, there are plenty of them out there and for the main part they all clone Busted Tees style, quality, format, and even jokes to a tee, well no they don’t, because if they did they’d be as successful if not more. But VintageVantage.com have a distinct advantage over many of their competitors in the humorous t-shirt field, not only are their jokes genuinely funny, they actually create stylish shirts you’d be proud to wear, well proud if you’re a cynical nostalgic like me at least.

John Keddie contacted me simply to bring my attention to their latest design ‘Drill Palin Not Alaska‘ (Don’t worry John you’re getting the full kaboodle), which ticks all the right boxes as far as I’m concerned – although to be honest I’d rather not drill either. I do worry for America, and even the world, when any sane person could seriously state that they’d consider a gun-toting, bible bashing, moose shooting, fundamentalist for second in command, and let’s face it, with the state of John McCain’s health I can imagine she’s gunning for a fast lane promotion, wouldn’t be surprised if she ran the guy down herself just to get the job done that much quicker.

It’s ironic that America has spent the last decade harping on about extremists around the world and here they are (or rather a minority of them) heaping praises on what could be potentially one of the most backward-thinking and let’s face it potentially ‘dangerous politicians’ this century. This isn’t sexist talk, I’ve lived under a Thatcher government (though she was more of machine – hence the nickname The Iron Lady, and Hilary wouldn’t have been so bad a backup if Obama hadn’t sailed through the nominations, but come on, pro-abortion, guns, anti-Russia, anti-everything, whatever your opinions, the USA aren’t going to make any friends spouting that tripe at the UN or the G20.

On a lighter note, a far far lighter note, here’s a little beauty called ‘Real Men Don’t LOL‘ which really got me thinking (and laughing but apparently not lolling). The irony is my spell checker’s fine with the word lolling, which essentially conjures up images of dogs with their tongues hanging out rolling around on the floor like idiots. I took years to accept the word LOL, yes I’m showing my age there, I didn’t even know what it meant for the first few months of using this awful Internet adage, but essentially I learned to adapt. Ha Ha seems a little ‘in ya face’ for my liking and as far as the rest go well they’re downright exaggerative to say the least. I have never crapped my pants laughing, or roared, or any of the alternatives on offer out there, in truth my surfing (is surf still a viable online term?) experience is rather a silent one on my part. Sure I might have a little music playing (but usually pumping from my tinny Macbook speakers, but me, myself, silent, perhaps a cough or a tut now and again. Still you want to at least give the impression you’re enjoying the pleasure of the virtual company of strangers, so what do you do when they think they’re being funny? I suppose honesty is the best policy, I’ll either record my laugh and blast them with it or otherwise state ‘funny’ when they’ve managed to hit the right note. I’m as grumpy as it is, someone please tell me what’s the socially acceptable yet patronising phrase for showing false appreciation of lame humour?

Bloody hilarious, I’m guessing VV don’t know any male OCD’s seeing as the Rearrange My Furniture t-shirt is only available for women, but I’m telling you I’ve met a lot of control freaks of both sexes and hardly any of them were gay. Chris my long suffering partner probably wishes I was a little more obsessive and compulsive when it comes to tidying up the house but I as many human beings have lower standards than some of the mentals out there.

Anyway Chris has a friend called Claire, and until recently we’d both guessed that she was the worst we’d ever know, I’ve not met the woman personally but I’ve been bullied on the phone by here numerous times and taking account of some of the stories I’ve heard I can guess she’s pretty much a nightmare to live with.

Well Claire has met her match recently (in more ways than one), I don’t know much about the guy, in fact I can’t even remember the bloke’s name offhand, but what I do know is that he sounds worse than her, he likes everything in its place, almost alphabetically ordered if possible, he can’t stand their cats, probably because they won’t line up in the correct order.

Simple, sweet, and highly effective. I could’ve chose one of a dozen more for this review, I was going to pick out Advertising Helps Me Decide because I love the grunge-text and the sentiment (I’ve been trying to market my art recently – don’t ask). Then there’s Voting Is For Old People which is true, so painfully true, but I’ve already show my age by harping on (and on) about the US elections, I suppose the older you get the younger politicians look (McCain being the exception), until you start to think to yourself, hey, I know better than them, I should waste an hour or two shouting at my TV for the hell of it.

So, my final choice is Get High On Yourself, why? It works, it’s a clean-cut nostalgia-in-a-bottle design, unpretentious, straight-to-the-point, and un-hyphenated (unlike the end of this review). I’ve been attempting to clean up my act recently, I’m hitting the big 40 this year and I’ve been bang on it in a wide variety of ways over my time. I still have the cigarettes to wean myself off but compared to my wild and highly psycho-active 20’s and even early 30’s a few cigs and a cuppa now and again seem almost purgatorial in comparison. I don’t know if I can get high on life, or even on myself, but this review has most definitely given me more than a smidgeon of a buzz. Check out Vintage Vantage, free nostalgia trip included

(One small criticism John, spruce up that logo, you obviously can illustrate till the cows come home. I had a terrible time squishing it down for the review :p)

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