Take The Last Exit to Nowhere!

This has to be one of the most original concepts for a t-shirt store I’ve come across so far. If you’re a movie buff like me you’ll find their collection absolutely hilarious. Last Exit to Nowhere offers a glimpse into a possible parallel reality where the silver screen has come to life and events, characters and places depicted in the movies sit side-by-side with the everyday.

There are plenty of places (such as tacky beach shops and theme parks) that will sell you a “…and all I got was this lousy” t-shirt, but imagine if you were forced into the nightmare world of say The Terminator or spent a night at The Overlook Hotel in The Shining. If you did survive your ordeal, you’re most likely going to want some proof to dispel the doubts of friends and family (and possibly a few psychiatrists at the local loony bin).

Well now you can, and to be honest this idea almost feels wasted on t-shirts, I wouldn’t be surprised to see this collection in a gallery one day, after all it’s inventively screwy as most Modern Art I’ve come across. Smashing down the barriers between reality (as we know it) and populist fiction (which we know so well it may as well be real); the modern myth written as a screenplay, our collective dreamscape discovered somewhere in the back lot of a Hollywood studio, and our ideas of time, space and existence almost recognisable under the weight of a century of celluloid fantasy.

Take a peek at these and you’ll understand why:-

“Open the pod bay doors, HAL.” It’s apparently been voted the 78th most famous movie quotation (American Film Institute). Hal always gave me the creeps, whilst the hippies of the late 60’s took Acid* and turned this potential flop of a movie into a cult classic before it moved on to megastardom as one of the most famous movies of all-time - practically re-inventing the sci-fi genre overnight. Strangely enough incrementing each letter of “HAL” gives you “IBM”, though I doubt they or any technology company are quite up to the standards set by this ominous and malevolent A.I super computer.

Yes it’s a tad geeky, but what the hell, I’d buy a HAL if I could afford it (and it existed), I just won’t attach it to a self-destruction system, it should be fine. I’d have loved to have seen a fake phone number on here, just confuse the matter further, in fact I’d make a sideline out of premium phone lines, a dupe falls for the gag, calls the number, and hears HAL on the receiver. Kerching!

*The song “Echoes” from the album “Meddle” by Pink Floyd can be perfectly synchronized to the “Jupiter And Beyond The Infinite” sequence. The song runs the precise length of the sequence and was deliberately timed and arranged to follow the events occurring in this portion of the film.

The Lacuna Inc. t-shirt is directly inspired by one of the saddest films I’ve ever seen, I know that Jim Carrey has a lot of critics out there, but I’m not one of them. I even like The Cable Guy, especially Jim’s rendition of Somebody To Love. Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind is an utterly heart wrenching film. I’m not usually keen on romantic movies, but this has to be one of the strangest of its ilk in history.

It brings up the question, would you rather not remember? We’ve all had painful periods in our respective lives, but given the choice would you rather have your memory wiped, go back in time and do it differently or just live with it? I know for myself I’d rather live with it, pain can build character, it can also turn people into psychos, but for the most part I’d say that emotional growth relies heavily on the good and bad times in life. Imagine if no one could ever remember their worst experience, I’d guess it would be an even more terrifying world. Editing history is never a good thing. What if WW2 was wiped off the map? I’m sure it wouldn’t be long until WW3 (which would be called WW2) flared up. History is the making of man, ignorance of history is the undoing of us all. Therapy can reach too far, it can be as damaging as any emotionally crippling event, if you can’t live with the experience it’s more than likely you can’t live with anything on this planet. Some days the world and its inhabitants seem cold and indifferent. But what about those brief moments when life proves otherwise, a kind deed, a shared experience of joy or love of even relief. It’s the contrasts that make life tolerable, happiness only exists in comparison to unhappiness, without one the other could never exist.

Being John Malkovich has to be the strangest film I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of weird ones in my time, I suppose it’s mainly down to Malkovich himself, who in fact must be the strangest actor in modern history. He evokes a passionately cerebral air about him and seems to twist most films around him, bending them like light into a form he can fill.

If the film was ‘Being Bruce Willis’ or ‘Being Brad Pitt’ or ‘Being Christian Bale’ I doubt it would’ve worked, in fact I’d guarantee it would have flopped. What is stranger still is the enormous chunk of the movie dedicated to puppeteering, which I’ve always found a little creepy. If you’ve ever considered jumping into another person’s brain, be warned, you may find yourself trapped there, forever.

To create a t-shirt of such obscure origins is admirable to say the least, but do they sell? i wonder.

You’ll find loads more of these oddities of the t-shirt world at Last Exit to Nowhere