Lost in the world of Fast Joe

Fast Joe (a.k.a Carlos Arenas) of FastJoe.com requested a review recently, and to be honest I am still utterly confused, really, I think he should do the review because I’m damned if I know what to say. The thing is when you arrive at his site, the design, the strange background story (which seems utterly incomplete to me) and the t-shirts themselves (which almost feel like an afterthought), leave me feeling disorientated and perhaps even a little more out of touch and older than my years. Am I going senile here?

If I was Carlos I’d begin by creating an animated series, ’something for the kids’, a tangible product to hang his ideas on. I don’t like ‘anonymous art’, and I haven’t an avenue to enter his strange, retro, and pseudo-sci-fi influenced universe as promised from the word go. I saw the video, which is strange (to say the least). I loved it, but it didn’t tell me much, and afterwards it felt like a rather brief and frustrating teaser, I was hoping for some kind of explanation to what the hell is going on over there.

Take a look at the promo vid …

I watched this video and was excited for a moment, I guess I was expecting a promotion for a new a film, a cartoon, a strange and bizarre theatre production, a new line in toys, something to make sense of it all, but it cut short just as the story should’ve begun.

The truth is I love the style, the t-shirts are slightly disappointing, but I think it’s because I just don’t have the background story, or rather, very little so far. Tell me more mate!?!

Someone please tell me (please for god sake tell me), that all of this is leading up to something? Is there a master plan at work here, or simply a touch of the crazies about Fast Joe. I love the attitude, he seems like the kinda guy who should be working for Adult Swim, à la Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Robot Chicken, etc.

In this case, the t-shirts seem to be and should be nothing more like merchandising (i.e all of his work is trademarked) for a Fast Joe epic of some form, this guy should be working to a far grander scale. It’s like an unfinished masterpiece…. very frustrating. I’m not Fast Joe, I don’t know much about the guy, but I am sure he has a lot of explaining to do

Here’s the bio copped from his site :-

“This is the story of 8 brothers living in one body. Born from an interplanetary union Jonathan, George, William, Carlos, Francisco, James, Emilio, and Maximo were your typical all-in-one-jack-of-all-trades carnival sideshow freak.

In The Year 2130, society has become a capitalistic dystopia and humankind has been reduced to a mindless bunch of meat puppets bent on mass consumption. Only one place in the entire world can provide original designs and merchandise…”

OK, that essentially read like a pitch for a cartoon to me, how about you? It’s truly frustrating when you come across someone with such obvious talent and vast swathes of imagination who just leaves the job half done. I don’t think I’ve ever advised a t-shirt designer to animate before, and I probably won’t again, but if I and anyone else apart from perhaps a few kids out there who just like the funny pictures, are ever expected to understand what’s happening at FJ’s, he has to pile a more creative biography and deliver some cartoon escapades, and he needs to do it pronto.

These t-shirts aren’t exciting me because, as I mentioned earlier, everything about his work feels like a run-up to something far bigger. It’s difficult, I’m in a bind, I review t-shirts here, not the potential career of what could be the next SpongeBob. I am at a loss Joe. What more can say? We all know how funny wieners are, but however great the style, the joke eventually runs thin.

The fact that Carlos/Joe describes his products as limited edition ‘merchandise’ is a big give-away that here’s a designer with far greater aspirations than lowly t-shirt design. Time is ticking, and this potential arrival in the adult/weird/retro/cool cartoon market is probably tucked up in bed right now dreaming up even more strange ideas. The thing is you have to work a damn sight harder if you’re going to be a successful animator, you’d be creating the equivalent of 1000s of t-shirts a day, and all it would amount to is a few minutes TV airtime.

As a rule I refuse to write negative reviews, indeed I’d rather not write at all than heap negatives at a stranger. If someone’s that awful I usually mail them a quick but polite note to say I’m not interested. But FJ’s ideas are too intriguing to drop, his style too deft. The site has very little traffic, no one is linking to FastJoe.com, and I think this guy needs to ‘up his game’ if he wants to be big. Which he could be, very easily, if he just steers himself in the right direction. Oh by the way - where are all the aliens? I need a better grip on all this, I love the retro style, it’s superb, it’s succinct, but how does it relate to the brief mention (so far) of Fast Joe’s world?

Keep the style and sense of humour, create a 5 minute storyboard, scan it, run it through Flash, add some sound, upload it to your site and start networking with the likes of Adult Swim pronto! If you get that airtime you can merchandise till you drop, and people will buy. I’ve always advised that designers avoid diving headlong into creating a brand for their products, creating a whole world to market is a difficult thing to do, the audience is either nervous and distrustful, or if you have the exposure, ravenous and eat ideas up like kids do candy. Worst of all if they’ve seen it before, or want more but nothing’s forthcoming, they’ll drop you like a hot potato.

So Joe, if you’re as fast as you say you are, I should be featuring your first episode at Buy Tees in the very near future.

Give us more, and make sure it’s as mondo kitch and geekfest as your ideas so far and I guarantee you, you will be the next Internet sensation! If any readers agree let me know and comment below, I’d love to have a hand in helping to make Fast Joe a household name, shall we test the power of word of mouth and give this guy the kick up the backside he needs to become the next toon guru?

{This space is dedicated to a whole heap of missing background information that could’ve made all the difference to this review}